The Sock Diet™

A lot has been written lately on new diets and their benefits for both physical and mental health. I can see some of the benefits of some of them more obviously than others. For example vegetarianism has its obvious benefits, but the newly famous paleo diet (Google it) seems more of a stretch to me.

None of this really matters however, for what I'm about to propose, and that is my own diet which I would now like to put forth. This diet was developed by yours truly primarily during my time as a single man shortly after college. The decisions of what to eat and what not to eat we're getting increasingly complicated and I just began to experiment with different means to find something that worked. What I discovered is a diet which has helped me maintain a healthy weight, it has improved my skin complexion and tone, as well as made my bowel movements more regular. This is not to mention the fact that I feel great, and I find it to be at worst, minimally restrictive. Finally this diet is very easy to understand and does not require a separate app for your phone or any skills at math to keep track of points or calories.

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce the Sock Diet™.

Very simply, this diet is characterized by limiting daily intake of food items to those that can fit inside of your sock. Not a sock, but yours specifically. For example, a banana is an obvious part of the Sock Diet for most sports athletes and many new hipsters. Most 80's born preps who wear "invisible" socks may find they need to stick to baby bananas or banana pieces, but these folks tend to be the exception. An apple is on the plate for very few connoisseurs of the Sock Diet, but pizza can be rolled and stuffed in a sock of just about any size, except Chicago Style.

This is basically all you need to know about the Sock Diet and you can be off and running. That said you'll probably want to bring a spare pair of socks along with you as it can get messy quickly for some newbies as they remove socks to check if certain items at their favorite restaurants are Sock Diet compatible.

There are a few specific questions that I find people ask regularly and I'd like to address a few of those.

Burritos: Typically these are fine for partakers of the Sock Diet, a few exceptions might be burritos with a name like "gut buster" or "gigantarito". If the burrito itself is too large you might consider measuring the individual ingredients before rolling the burrito. Some people have found they like to cut the toe off a pair of tube-socks and use the tube-like shape as a funnel to pour food in to jars for a quick "naked burrito" packed lunch with little thought. Others have found ways to roll tortillas inside of socks and use the shape of the sock to aid in the rolling up process. Just be careful with your salsas and sour creams.

Oatmeal: Not a Sock Diet food.

Mice: While it's true that a mouse technically qualifies for most people and their understanding of the Sock Diet, we advise against eating them raw. Cooked is a definite YES.

Matchbox Cars: Does it fit in your sock? Eat it dummy.

Finally, if you're Hawaiian or from some other topical region regularly wearing sandals I advise against the sock diet, as I have found those who have strictly kept to it have starved on several occasions.

If you find you are a fan of the Sock Diet please do not hesitate to suggest it to your friends. This is clearly the way we were made to eat from the beginning and it's benefits are numerous and obvious.