My flesh is fascinating - Some thoughts on sin, temptation, desire, fame etc...

I just went for a run. One of the things I love about running is the absolute absurdity my mind goes through while I run and how well I’m able to focus in on it.

Today I began to dwell (as is often the case) on how great of a runner I am (I’m not a great runner) and on how famous of a writer I’ll be (I’ll likely not be a famous writer). And then it occurred to me and I asked the Lord, “Why do these things seem so desirable to me? What is it about fame that I desire so much?” And as I thought this it led me to,

“Lord I really find satisfaction in you, so why I don’t I desire this real satisfaction in the same way I desire fame, sex, money, etc…?”

Then it occurred to me that I am very satisfied in my marriage. I love my wife more than anything ever and I’m exceedingly attracted to her. Yet while this is the case I am still occasionally tempted by the idea of a woman outside of marriage. Now why is that? Why do I experience what I could consider the fullness of a promise from the Lord in marriage and still desire the broken, sinful, fallen, things of this world?

I guess it’s the flesh. We’re told again and again that we’ll struggle with our flesh, I’m just fascinated by my struggle with it. It’s fascinating to me that I know the Lord’s plan is the only thing that brings satisfaction. I can find that satisfaction - and actually BE SATISFIED (I know that’s redundant but I’m trying to say it clearly), and yet still sometimes desire something that will ruin this satisfaction forever. My flesh is fascinating!

Something I discussed a while back is how sin seams to rear it’s head in new and interesting ways every time you begin to get past an old sin. It’s like the devil brings up gambling and then when you finally begin to conquer that he brings in sex, and then when you’re getting an edge on that in comes alcohol and so on… the problem is that you never fully conquer these old things, so you just build up a repertoire of old sins you “almost” have gotten over…

It’s got me thinking about how it seems like it would be nice to just stop at a comfortable one like alcohol. Just sort of never really get the hang of it. I don’t mean to turn to alcoholism (in fact I’m not condoning what I’m talking about here at all… just processing it) but dabble with alcohol. Alcohol seems a lot more pleasant sin than adultery doesn’t it?

But the problem is we’re unable to dabble with sin. We have to fight or lose the battle. Ah… again… My flesh is fascinating! And in all the wrong ways.