James a servant. Me, proud. (James 1:1)

"James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ . . ." - James 1:1

Who in their right mind considers themselves a 'servant' of their older brother? I have an older brother, and I'll tell you its about the last thing I would ever do.

Why is it that the brother of Jesus (probably) is able to understand his place in the Kingdom of God and I - a nobody - can so often desire to be an equal with God rather than a servant?

What is it about my pride that's different than that of the apostles? I really wonder, had met Jesus face to face would He be so strikingly authoritative and in love with His Father I would immediately know my place? Or would I continue to think the way I do now?

How is it that I can have a relationship with the Lord and frequently see His magnificence and yet be so quick to try to be anything in God's Kingdom except His servant?

When am I going to get my act together and live the things I know in my head? When will it be natural, obvious, or easy? And why can I see freedom from so many sins in so many areas of my life but be unwilling to give up my pride, do I really think that highly of myself?

I think I do.

I long to be a servant of Christ but I think so highly of myself as to see who will be my servant. How long O Lord? Save me from my pride and help me to humbly accept the worthless state I am in apart from you.