Shit Religions Say

Buddhism - I can cleanse myself of my shit through washing away the impurities in my mind and body.

Taoism - If I meditate long enough, I can figure out how to empty my mind, and free myself of my shit.

Islam - If I pray five times a day, fast, do a pilgrimage, give to the poor, and give testimony, my shit will be good enough for heaven.

Hinduism - I can get my shit together if I try hard enough to accomplish the four proper goals of human life.

Mormonism - What Jesus did was cool, but I also need to get my shit together. Others might believe if I hide my shit.

Summary: Every religion in the world (except Christianity) - I’ve got shit, but if I work hard enough, I can get my shit together.

Christianity - Oh God look at my shit, I need a savior.