Pffffft

There’s a shocking amount of uncertainty in my life right now. Shocking because of how little there was six months ago. Shocking because I have always known who I was, where I was going, and exactly how I intended to get there.

It turns out the whole world as my apple kind of scares the hades out of me. I’d rather know exactly where I’ll be taking a bite and how, and where that will lead three years from now.

Instead I’m chasing away questions I’m unwilling to ask because I’m too overwhelmed by the ones I can’t answer. They pile up and I shove them under a rug and yell loudly at myself, “This isn’t a midlife crisis!” Hoping if I say it loudly enough I’ll grow to believe it myself. I beg myself to believe what I teach—what I believe—that God is in control and somehow has a place for this. There is a road yet ahead. Not just a cliff.

And hopefully there will be very few casualties on said road. I’m not sure I can handle it any other way. My hopes are fading with my burning desires. Desires burning to ash. Not desires not burning inside of me.

Infrequent Opportunity

Preaching this Sunday on a topic of sound theological basis, but with lots of complex explaining needing to be done to fit in with different eschatological views. Hope I can skirt the right issues, and address the right ones. Landing where the Lord is honored, and His Kingdom is grasped better by those who hear.

It’s interesting to only have infrequent opportunity to speak on whatever topic I’d like. I speak a lot, but seldom do I get to choose to share what’s on my heart. In these situations I feel the need to jam a lot in, and hopefully allow my passion for the topic to not overshadow the scripture it’s founded on.