This is about a month old but I hadn't the heart to get around to posting it until now.
As I write this I'm on an airplane back from Ethiopia. Away from my boys. One of whom cried and screamed horribly as I walked out yesterday because he has attached so much to me in the last ten days.
This is so hard on my heart it's crazy. Today I was trying to make sense of why this is happening and I'm not sure it's the kind of thing you get an answer for this side of heaven. Once the boys are home the healing process can and will begin and someday this will be a distant painful memory. But right now it's a very present painful reality.
Our process is now probably months from being complete rather than weeks. And yet I still feel like the Lord is saying, "I've got this, don't worry." It occurred to me that there are times where I believe that and I have some peace. But there are also a lot of times where I'm feeling peace and then I picture my kids faces, my father instinct kicks in and my worry over them overtakes any peace I may have had.
It seems every verse I read in the Bible is about waiting. It seems everywhere I look people are enjoying their children. Last night I flew out of Ethiopia and on the way I saw four couples with adopted kids they had just picked up.
Whatever the Lord is accomplishing through this in me, it ain't fun. I imagine it seldom is. Few weapons are fashioned and sharpened without fire. Especially those unnaturally dull to begin with.