Thoughts

You know those nights where you should be asleep but for some reason you fail? Either you ate too much sugar or the Lord wanted to keep you up to get you on your knees? That or the Lord had you eat too much sugar so you'd be up on your knees?

Anyhow, I'm excited about something the Lord may have been calling me to do and confused about whether its actually something He wants or something I want to do to make my kingdom bigger instead of His Kingdom. To this question I still take comfort in the thoughts of my father - that sometimes the Lord uses our bad motives to further his Kingdom. That doesn't mean we should seek our bad motives, but that we shouldn't shy away from what we think we should do just because we're unsure of the motives - God is big enough to sort through it.

Everyone - I've had this thought lately and I want to address it (elephant on the blog) I set out about a year ago to write about bible verses. To blog a verse a day and I have fallen sadly short in the last few months. Part of that is work. Part of that is my getting but butt whooped in graduate school in a language other than my mother tongue (which is English... yea I know it's not always obvious). But lately this blog has had to be more than just my thoughts on scripture. My thoughts have been to incoherent. I don't know if this is good or bad, but for some reason I see value in a Christian just writing and letting people know that things don't always proceed as we plan or hope.

So much of what is in front of me is exciting that I have a hard time holding back my excitement. I might get to move from the city of eternal gloom to the city of eternal sunshine in a year and half, and I know thats a long way off but it offers a leadership position and a team I get to build myself. Stuff I'm all excited about - but might yet fail to work out. The Lord is good and has blessed me with every stinkin' desire of my heart - so much that I have this horrible fear of when He'll stop blessing me sooooo much. And then worrying that I worry so much that I'm not enjoying the blessing now.

Anyhow. This is a weird post and I apologize. I'm gonna go pray - hit the sack and hope to sleep. I pray the Lord keeps you up late at night once in a while and makes you re-think what matters. A few lost hours of sleep may keep you from running in the morning - but wont keep you from Him.

Praise the Lord - our amazing savior. Awesome in power, glory, grace, and the giver of good gifts. In whom I consistently find overwhelming satisfaction, hope, grace, thanksgiving, and joy. Today I came home and my daughter crawled around the whole living room, rounding the couch to see me and crawl all the all the way up to my leg and stand up just so I could hold her. I almost burst into tears on the spot - thats the kind of God I serve - awesome and powerful a God who gives us beautiful daughters who love us when we're just sinful folk.

Thank you Lord.