Sledding, flying, and freaking out

The very first time I was ever on a sled I went down too big of a hill and hit too big of jump. Somewhere four feet off the ground my little 4 year old head understood that this was bad. I remember hitting the ground and having the wind knocked out of me (though I was otherwise unscathed). From that moment on I was afraid of nothing on a sled... the worst had happened.
I braved the steepest hills, the scariest paths, and the highest jumps often ending up plowing into a pile of rocks in a creek at the end of the run.

When I have to travel I freeze up in total panic. Even now just thinking about it to write about it my heart is beginning to beat harder and I'm becoming shorter of breath. I'm not afraid of heights, I'm not afraid of falling out of the sky. I absolutely fear not making my transfer, and my baggage being overweight. I freeze up thinking something will happen that will keep me from flying... And I cant figure out why.

When I fly everything that could go wrong generally does go wrong. I want that experience I had as a child on sled. I want to have been hit hard enough that I'm no longer afraid of anything... but my head doesn't go that direction. Instead I fear the things that have happened will happen again. It's a total irrational fear and I cant help it. It makes me, and much more my wife, crazy.

Dependance on God through what seems to be something of an anxiety attack is a very difficult thing for me, and my travel anxiety has only recently reached levels that make it painful. I don't know how to trust in the Lord, I always get to where I'm going... but seldom without bumps on the way... Do you freeze up in some situation like this? How do you deal with it?

The sun, the beach, the warmth, and my regrets

I've been gone more than a month from home now... It's really quite hard to believe that I was ever gone except its freezing here and I have been in 80+ degree whether for a month. Two weeks of which I spent on a beach on a small island off a little Asian nation.

The food was delicious. The sun was undeniably spectacular. And the beach is something I can't imagine ever being sick of. I come home to heavy jackets, wool socks and stocking cap and I wonder where I went wrong... Why wasn't I called to one of these spectacularly warm places?

I also wonder what on earth possessed me to leave my beautiful Colorado... I had no I dea what I was missing until I lived somewhere that boasts only 14 days of sun annually.

Then I buy some food at a local business and wonder if those people will ever hear the name of Jesus. And if they do... who is going to tell them?

I'm afraid at least this time... it wasn't me.