Of pride and fasting (Matthew 4:2)

"And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry." - Matthew 4:2

Today we talked a bit about this verse and all of verses 1-4. I have a really hard time processing this. I used to fast one day a week for 24 hours which ends up only being skipping breakfast and lunch but was still a good practice to be in. I had a mentor who encouraged me to do so.

Then about a year and half ago I did an extended fast. When I was done after 40 days of fasting I really expected God to show up in a powerful way. After all, most of my 3 days fasts ended with the Lord really showing up. But 40 days later I didn't hear hardly anything, just a faint "pride."

Who wants to hear "pride" at the end of 40 days? You could have told me that in a morning Bible study is my thought. But the truth is, if you look at my reasons for the 40 day fast, they were probably so that God could owe me something. Who knows. It's hard to have right motives about anything, but particularly about something like this.

Since then, I have attempted sort of a half-hearted self humbling, but not really pursued the issue I have with pride. Then last night I was reading something for class and it was talking about spiritual warfare and the strongholds the enemy can have related to pride. Specifically how difficult it is for the enemy to get to you when you humble yourself.

Then this morning this verse was brought up. I've always sort of assumed that some of the things I've been dealing with lately are related to my unwillingness to fast (its been a year and half now since I've even done a day long), and this sort of confirmed it. That said, I intend to get back into the habit. I know it humbles me. I know I was prideful.

And worst of all I know that my response to hearing that I need to work on my pride was to be prideful and grumpy with the Lord for not giving me something more "valuable." So I have some thinking to do. Some praying to do.

And I hate praying for humility.

God fasted for 40 days. And he was hungry. Yea, duh. But the point is, he understood what I was going through, and he gave me exactly what I needed to hear. Bummer tho. I'll get on that.